The majority of our efforts to help families revolves around disengagement. Stepping out of the drama, even for just a second. In other words, not reacting.

It is our knee jerk reaction. We take things so personally, so quickly. We carry pain, hurt, and trauma from our own pasts. No matter how small or big the argument we soon realize we aren’t in as much control as we think we are. Have you ever thought, “Whoa, why did I react that way?” 

We’ve all felt at times our reactions didn’t fit the situation. Usually more shame and guilt result and we find ourselves even more out of touch and out of control. It doesn’t feel good to be out of control, to watch a loved one struggle, to maybe even be a reason for their pain.

It doesn’t feel good to have your feelings and memories triggered. We’ve worked hard to avoid those things long swept under the rug! Of course there is another way. We struggle at times to see other options but they are there. We’d like to suggest one.

Before our species hunted, we gathered, and we want to suggest to you all a shift from the mentality of going after what’s wrong (hunting) to the idea of gathering information by observing and slowing things down a bit.

When we come into a home it is usually out of desperation. We’ve done mostly all word of mouth “advertising” thus far. So when we get a call it is usually because the family is at their wits end with a loved one. We usually have to explain, right off the bat, and very explicitly, that we will need time. There will be no quick fix and we for sure aren’t coming in as a third parent or one of those Made for TV Rescue Nannies. 

We need time to observe and gather.

We want to teach you how. So over the next few posts you will learn some pretty amazing yet simple techniques to observe and gather what is real in your specific situation. You’ll need to shed a lot of default beliefs, settings, and patterns but that process alone will slow things down to the point where we can see things more for how they really are.

Time to start anew and step back to a more simple time, one where didn’t always need to be on the hunt, but one where we took the time as a community to observe and gather.